So, you wanna know about that pale elf statue, huh? Alright, sit down, let me tell ya. It’s a thing, you know, a thing folks like to look at. Real pretty, they say. Not my kinda thing, I like things that are useful, like a good bucket or a hoe. But hey, everyone’s got their own taste, right?

This statue, it’s of an elf. Now, I ain’t seen many elves in my day. Used to hear stories, you know, about them living in the woods and doing magic and whatnot. Never paid much attention, figured it was just old wives’ tales. But this statue, it’s supposed to be one of them.

Pale he is, this elf. Like he ain’t seen the sun in years. Maybe he’s been stuck inside, like my old Bessie when she had the cough. Kept her in the barn for weeks, poor thing. This elf, though, he looks kinda fancy, even with the paleness. Got them pointy ears, like everyone says elves have. And fancy clothes, too. Not like the overalls I wear to the fields.

• He’s skinny, too. Not much meat on his bones, if you ask me. Probably don’t eat enough. Kids these days, they don’t eat right. Always on them fancy phones or whatever they call ’em. This elf, he probably needs a good bowl of stew and some cornbread. That’ll put some color in his cheeks.

They say it’s from some game, this statue. Baldur’s Gate, or something like that. Never played it myself. Don’t have time for games, too busy with the chickens and the garden. But folks seem to like it. This elf, he’s a character in the game. Astarion, they call him. Sounds like a fancy name for a skinny, pale fella.

God Pan Studio made it, they say. Now, I don’t know who this God Pan is. Sounds like a baker or somethin’. Maybe he makes good bread. But he made this statue, apparently. And people are buying it. Spending good money on a pale elf statue, imagine that. Guess it’s their money to spend, ain’t it?

It’s 3D printed, they say. Now, that’s somethin’ I don’t understand. How can you print a statue? Don’t you gotta carve it out of stone or wood or something? But apparently, they got these fancy machines now that can print anything. Imagine that. Printing a statue.

• You can paint it, too. If you wanna. Make him rosy-cheeked and put some sunshine in his hair. Maybe give him a hat. Keep the sun off his head. He needs it, being so pale and all.

They call it a “deluxe edition”. Now, that just sounds fancy. Probably means it costs more. Everything deluxe costs more, don’t it? Like them fancy cars with the leather seats. Uncomfortable, if you ask me. But hey, if folks wanna pay extra for deluxe, that’s their business.

So, there you have it. The pale elf statue. Fancy, they say. From a game. Made by some God Pan fella. 3D printed and paintable. Deluxe edition. Not my cup of tea, but folks seem to like it. Maybe you will too. Who knows?

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I gotta go feed the chickens. They’re gettin’ restless. And after that, I gotta weed the garden. No time for fancy elf statues. Got work to do.

Tags: elf statue, Baldur’s Gate 3, Astarion, God Pan Studio, 3D printed, paintable, deluxe edition